I waited so long Lord and the time has finally come!

Oh my Lord!  When I first read today’s readings, my heart leapt for joy.

​The Joy of His Salvation  
I know that God purifies a heart through suffering and I do know that it must come, but no matter how much you know the reality of the Lord in your life and how good, miraculous and present He is, suffering is suffering.

It feels like the years of struggle I had undergone will be lifted and instead of strapped with the heavy burden on my back, and I can now run free with the Word of the Lord flowing from my lips.

When suffering gets too much, I always remember how in the movie, The Passion of Christ, Jesus who was bloodied, unrecognizable and was barely able to walk, not only took His cross (and in an extremely moving moment) embraced it deliberately and lovingly;  That cross was us.  He came to suffer and be that perfect sacrifice, for us.  You would think that Jesus giving it all for us would break the hardest, stone-walled heart. So whenever suffering gets unbearable, I think of that. And yes, I realize that I can embrace my cross too and march on. After all, my suffering is puny compared to His.  
In the beginning of my courtship with Him,  it was easy it was to blab to everyone about God; They call it the 'honeymoon stage'. I didn’t care what people thought of me. I was proudly called a holy roller and a Jesus Freak.  But as the persecutions leveled up and life started getting harder and harder, I realized this is when I truly prove my love for Him, especially during trials. As we climb in the steep terrain, we keep going, we keep hoping, and we keep using His Word back to Him of His Promises.  Mama Mary helps us ascend Carmel.
When physical suffering comes, when the persecution come, when friends betray, when the work you built is destroyed, when promises are broken, when you hear what people are saying about you, when you are misunderstood, when you question your own intentions, when you lose everything- my mind tends to just shut down and  just not process these things ..."I offer it to you Jesus, I offer it all to you".  These felt like stabs in the heart, invisible punches, takedowns, and wrestling with someone invisible. My only support was God and I had to know it because many a times, I didn’t feel it.  Conviction was my food everyday, and even in a grappling moment, I didn’t know if I believed or not. Was that withdrawn from me too? Take everything, but I will never let go of that... the FAITH you retrieved back to me the first time I lost it.  I...will...NEVER...let...that go!!!
A new day is here and I don’t exactly see the reality of it yet.  But because he said it in his today’s Mass Reading, you know what?  I believe it.  I believe it with all of my heart, soul and being.  I know His Word is true.
Blessed be thy Name of the Lord, Who made Heaven and earth.  How Great thou Art! How great thou art!  My soul sings a song of gratitude for I know the work has only begun, but my feet and hands are loose now and so is the praise upon my lips.  

I feel that this scriptural verse is true...the Hide and seek game is over.


Song of Songs 3; 2-4
I will get up now and go about the city,
    through its streets and squares;
I will search for the one my heart loves.
    So I looked for him but did not find him.
The watchmen found me
    as they made their rounds in the city.
    “Have you seen the one my heart loves?”
Scarcely had I passed them
    when I found the one my heart loves.
I held him and would not let him go
    till I had brought him to my mother’s house,
    to the room of the one who conceived me.